My Combative Brain

I notice that I occasionally wake with a combative mindset.

Those aren’t my best mornings. Not at first. At first I fight everything. Every thought, every person, every action, every stumble.

My brain chooses to take offense. Finds holes, pokes.

Identifying these mornings as early as possible in the cycle can help in defusing them.

I find that I can identify my moody1 mindset pretty quickly. Usually within 15 minutes of waking up, I can figure out if every thought entering my mind slants negative.

After identifying it, I can begin reconciling each thought by recognizing that it isn’t me presenting these ideas. I’ve learned to see that not every thought in my head originates within me.

When I’m in this state, I often have to remind myself that jerks will continue to exist out there, but I don’t also have to be one today.

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…Not Much Else

Making stuff is my momentary antidote to the relentless focus of my annoying brain. 
This might be why I find a great deal of comfort in making things.

Having a project to complete is like a chew toy for my brain.

Going too long without a new project can lead me on a path to creeping thoughts, and an easier slide into the spiral.

It can be so easy to slip too. Most don’t see my brain nudging me towards the lip. Most don’t see me desperately clinging to that last bit of sane. That bit that prevents me from plummeting down, spiraling into dread.

It calls to me like a distant song on repeat. “You’re not good enough, You’re not capable. Your career is meaningless and your brain generates useless ideas. You’ve always been dead on arrival.”

Making things can often help momentarily mute that song.

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